A dose of metal, you need to bang your head 'til you bleed.

So, because I want to shove all of my work for art school aside momentarily, I would like to take a moment to talk about concerts.

Because we metalheads are surprisingly social creatures. If we are sheep, then the band is the gentle group of shepherds, there to guide us to a common cause before ripping off our faces and shoving them in our ears.

The collective noun for a group of metalheads is open to debate. One may argue that an appropriate term would be a "mosh" of metalheads, but others would argue that moshing is an activity, and should therefore be regarded as a separate entity entirely. One could also refer to collective nouns of creatures often associated with the metal culture - a herd of goats, a coven of ravens, and a murder of crows could all come to mind. However, none exactly seem accurate to describe a crowd of black-clad long-haired people, often male, and - when at concerts - almost invariably sweaty.

For the purposes of this particular post, I will refer to a group of metalheads as a "mob". A mob of metalheads. Not too far from the mosh with which we are all familiar, and it had that lovely alliteration which I, as a poet, am so fond of.

So why is the concert such an exciting and essential experience for the metalhead? Basically, you go to a venue, stand for four hours, get beaten by fellows of the mob, and you may or may not wake up the next morning unscathed. The music is too loud, the drinks are too expensive, and the whole place smells like sweat, alcohol, and sometimes, something a little stronger.

Yet there's a definite sense of kinship. You're all there to see the same band. You're there for the same thing. You're brothers-in-arms, of a sort - metalheads united for a common cause, and that cause is to go there, have a good time, rock hard, and let the band know that they rock.

The people in mosh pits are friendlier than they seem. At Children of Bodom, people pushed aside to let a vertically-challenged girl to the front. At Opeth, I was helped upright again by two strangers when I was separated from my concert-buddy and almost fell over. The sense of camaraderie is an incredible feeling.

An indispensable piece of advice to the new concert-goer is to find a good, reliable friend. I have three people who I attend concerts with on a regular basis, and find them to be among the most trusted people I know. Adam has helped me enjoy two damn good concerts, Luke has stuck with me in the two most intense mosh pits I have ever been in, and while I have only been to one concert with Callum, I look forward to many years of moshing.

A good concert-buddy should be able-bodied and reliable. He or she should have a high tolerance for noise, good stamina, and be willing to defend you from the tool population in any given mosh pit. Martial arts skills are a plus, as is a good size, but neither are as necessary as the ability to recognize when you have gone under, or a determination to stick together.

At a concert, alcohol is a pleasant mood-enhancer, but drinking too much before entering a mosh pit is advised against. Of course one does not have to drink in order to have a good time; after all, that's what the band's there for, but nobody's going to blame you if you're legal and have a couple of beers before moshing. God knows you could end up sweating it all out anyway. If attending a concert with friends, always make sure at least one member of the party is sober enough to help out others who may find their inebriation places them at risk of injury. All too often I have witnessed a drunk concert-goer harm a fellow metalhead, and sometimes I have even been the receiving end myself.

Also, I hate to say it, but something to keep in mind at a metal concert in particular is to dress the part. One need not go overboard with expensive merchandise; the simple, universally accepted garb is jeans, comfortable footwear, and a heavy metal T-shirt. The shirt needn't even be of the band one is seeing; in fact, a relatively small amount of people wear these, and some may even view it as a faux pas of sorts. Spiked wristbands aren't necessary, and many view them as a hindrance, and indeed some venues may not allow such attire as wallet chains, steel-capped boots, or spiked accessories.

Comfortable footwear is absolutely vital, as you are likely to be on your feet for a good few hours. Even if one does not mosh, one will be standing for a long period of time. Sneakers, skate shoes, and comfortable boots such as Doc Martens are recommended.

Organization is a must. I take it upon myself to organize my friends for concerts, which my mother affectionately terms "Getting the posse together". If one member of the party can afford to do so, it is a good idea for them to buy the tickets for everyone at once, and well in advance - the sooner, the better. As soon as you hear about the concert, start organizing people. I found out about a local show completely by accident, had two friends willing to come with me, and by early June I had the tickets. The show isn't until mid-August. Organizing car-pooling and the like that early isn't necessary, but if you want to, particularly if friends live far away, then by all means do so.

Be one of the responsible people –if you see someone stumble, catch them. If someone looks dehydrated, share your water. Though to be fair, if someone shoves you, shove back. Be as respectful as you can while making sure no bastard thinks he can push you around.

Concerts can be frightening, but also exhilarating. Imagine being two feet away from Matt Heafy, or Mikael Akerfeldt, or Curtis Rx, or heck, even James Hetfield or Steve Harris! Okay, so the last two are unlikely, but you never know unless you GO.

And even if the concert’s a disappointment, at least it’ll be something you remember forever, right?

I myself have been to seven concerts in two years now, five of them heavy metal gigs, and I have at least three more coming up before the end of the year, so I’m getting around. I wouldn’t call myself a veteran, but I’m beginning to think that out of my friends, I am the concert-whore.

I should wrap this up for now – next time, I may talk about a couple of the concerts I’ve been to.

Happy moshing, my mob.

~Ronnie

PS – the first person to tell me which song this title comes from gets a cookie.