It's how I live my life; I wouldn't have it any other way.

As per usual, the title of this blog comes from a metal track and is completely unrelated to anything I may or may not talk about in here.

But let's make this more interesting. Instead of cookies (which I cannot send, unfortunately, due to certain restrictions), the first person to guess the song gets to pick a band, genre, topic, etc. for me to talk about/lecture on/abuse in my next blog post. Does that sound interesting?

Killing two birds with one stone, so to speak; you have an incentive to start listening to some good thrash metal, and I have something to actually talk about, because for now I'm just gonna talk briefly about some different genres of heavy metal.

If there's one thing that annoys me, it's... people who blast hip-hop music at full volume with subwoofers that register an 8.2 on the Richter scale. But another pet peeve of mine is people who take anything that could be classed as metal, whether it's the smooth melodies of Bon Jovi or the vulgar brutality of Cannibal Corpse or anything in between, and lump it all under "METAL - DO NOT WANT".

The flavours of metal are almost as varied as those of ice-cream. Actually... that's not entirely accurate, given the state of ice-cream these days. Just walking into Cold Rock Ice Creamery blows my mind - there are, like, five different flavours for chocolate. And I know that's only the tip of the iceberg, but hey, Cold Rock is about the best and most expensive ice-creamery I have access to, so leave me be.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked here, comparing metal to ice-cream. Who'd'a thunk it, eh? Next thing you know I'll be talking about how a Trivium album is like a Magnum ice-cream, ordinary enough until you bite into it and begin to devour the metaphors and nuances that lie beneath the exterior...

Actually, that's just a crock of lies; a Trivium album is amazing at first glance, even just from the artwork.

I'm getting sidetracked again. Next time that happens, feel free to play Slipknot, which has a tazer-like effect on me. It's like a shock collar for dogs; sooner or later, I'll learn to stick to the fucking topic, eh?

MOVING RIGHT ALONG.

The first type of metal that one should be acquainted with is the "classic" heavy metal. Study up on these three bands: Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, and Iron Maiden. At least one of those names should be familiar to you, and if I know anything it won't be Priest. Sadly, they're like the classics no-one knows about - not as publicly renowned as Maiden and Sabbath, but still just as vital.

You know what, I'm going to give you a playlist. So check out these songs and you should get a taste of ye olde heavy metal in its earliest form.

Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast. I know, I know, everyone knows it now because of Guitar Hero III, but it does NOTHING to change the fact that this is one of the definitively amazing songs of the metal genre. Check out everything - the odd time signatures and catchy riffs, the prominent basslines, and Bruce Dickinsons's soraing, near-operatic vocals. Quite different to the death metal most immediately think of, eh?
Black Sabbath - Paranoid. Built around the one riff, but honestly, you can't tell me it's a damn catchy one. This is like the 1970s metal version of Seven Nation Army.
Black Sabbath - Iron Man. I only just heard this, and I encourage you to do the same. Commence angry messages flaming me for having not heard Iron Man sooner.
Judas Priest - Breaking the Law. What is it with these classic metal bands and insanely catchy guitar riffs? Watch this and get back to me.
Judas Priest - Hell Bent for Leather. The first Priest song I ever heard, and still a fave. Seriously.
Dio - Holy Diver. A friend managed to get me to listen to this. For this, Sean, if you're reading this, I am in your debt. (I'm working on acquiring a discography now.)

To be fair, Dio and Maiden came along a bit later than Priest and Sabbath. Also, Dio isn't actually in the Holy Trinity. Though he should be. It must be a quadrology.

Let us make it so.

There are a whole slew of other bands I could namedrop here (AC/DC, Blue Oyster Cult, Led Zeppelin, Queen), but those four are the ones I'm most familiar with, so I encourage you to check 'em out.

Hey hey hey, I never said this was a definitive blog, the be-all and end-all. It's just my opinions and experiences. Deal with it, check out the music, and grab a brownie on the way out.

Next time: whatever you request of me, plus a new genre for you all. Maybe death. Everyone loves death, eh?